Attempts to set a difficult child on the right path sometimes lead to a full-scale and non-stop war in one single family. The psychologist suggests that parents put down their weapons and stand on the same side of the barricades with the child. We publish the most important theses on how to find a language with the most difficult children.
As long as the parent holds a strong rope of attachment, the child is completely safe.
He knows about this, and his forces can be directed to development, growth and other things important for his age. At the moments when the parent is angry, dissatisfied with the child, the child feels that the rope of attachment seems to have weakened, he begins to pull on it - to check the strength of attachment. “Are you still my adult?”, as if a child asks, “even if I do something else terrible, will you continue to love me?”. Since this question comes from the inner brain, it asks it not with words, but with actions (most often with bad behavior), and it also waits for an answer with actions. If you need to respond with an action, then you need to respond to it correctly in order to help him. For example, when you see that a child is sad because he does not know how to write an essay, use the online paper rater to help him. You will see how your action will affect it later.
When attachment is at stake
To correct bad behavior, sometimes it is enough just not to jeopardize the attachment. Adults often do things that are completely natural or useful, in their opinion, while the child is in deep stress and anxiety.
For example, parents read notations.At what point does this happen? When a parent is unhappy with something. He wants only good things and gives objective reasons, but the child does not hear him, because dissatisfaction on the part of the parent means that attachment is at risk. If he is so bad, then “his” adult can leave. The lectures usually intensify, become more frequent, the parent moves on to punishment, the child experiences even more stress, and the reason for the lectures is still not eliminated.
There are parents who use stronger means - they beat their children. In order to fully realize their actions and not to do so, parents need only call a spade a spade: “The child got a belt” is one thing, and “I beat my child” is quite another.
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